Paula's Musings

Still alive.

2008-02-18T10:48:44Z

Shite shite shite and shite.

I'm still here. Gah.

-P

Murdoc.

2007-06-07T01:45:16Z

Fuck you.

Happy Birthday, old man, even though it was yesterday.

-P

What day is it?

2007-01-12T07:55:35Z

Sweet fucking christ on a unicycle. Been nursing the great grandmum of all hangover headaches. I love vicodin with vodka. Takes care of all that ails ya.

First off, I wish a belated yet heartfelt HAPPY NEW YEAR to the lot of my loyal f-list. Even the old fridge himself, my mate Russ, Noodle-chan, and my dearest Stuart. And of course everyone else. I hope your collective New Year is full of greatness. As in the kind you reach out, grab tight, and make yours every day.

Off to a fantastic start, I am. Lots of drinking, lots of sex, and THE RUNAWAY BRIDE. (And yes, I watched the finale of Torchwood and Jack-snogging-Jack is very sexy. And I watched the Sarah Jane Adventures with Mum.) Sometime after that, I went on a pub crawl with my mates and nearly got into a fight with some dumbshit in his chavrolet... Let's not go too much into details on this, shall we?

So really been spending the last pair of weeks in a perpetual party that somehow ended up in France before we realised that it was already the week after the new year. Been sleeping most of yesterday, and am recovered enough to record what I remember. Which is very little, sadly.

I reckon got stuff to do, so...whatever for now.

-P

Ahem.

2006-10-20T01:12:49Z

Fuck you, Murdoc.

♥

-P

Home Again

2006-09-23T23:31:36Z

Kong is officially a waste. Clearly the place will be rubble within the month, and I for one do not need to step around more debris and the remnants of Murdoc's drinking binges. Then there's the bit about Stuart's tendency to leave crumbs in the bed (they usually wind up in uncomfortable places). Oh, and let us not forget the lobby.

I had to get out of there.

So here I am, back at my West End flat, just returned from having a few pints and watching the tourists 'round Leicester Square. I must point out that not everyone who stands around staring is a tourist. They may also be on drugs, drunk, or just really stupid.

I missed this place, must say. I'll have to call a cleaning staff to tidy the place...dust breeds while one is away. I've cleaned off a few things myself and have an oil diffuser with amber and bergamot oils going.

Fantastic, staying somewhere that does not have the mysterious stench of decay, urine, and chocolate biscuits wafting about.

I'm curled up in front of the telly, watching my 4th Doctor-era Doctor Who DVDs and feeling quite satisfied. Or I could watch the current season and drool like a silly fangirl over David Tennant. OR. I do have that French and Saunders set. No, just me and the Doctor.

-P

C'est finis.

2006-07-17T05:48:41Z

I don't want shit from anybody because I am very upset at this instance. Before rumours fly, I will say that my band has disbanded...not because I slept with anyone this time, but because our bassist has gone back to America and our other guitarist/sitarist has decided to move to India to care for her invalid grandmother.

And where does this leave me, one might ask? Drunk on the roof at Kong with several damp handkercheifs. I've spent most of my afternoon in Stuart's room, but he talks in his sleep, which is very disturbing if one pays attention. So I've retreated up here, and while it's still dusk and the sun is rising, I'm sober enough to type this coherently.

What I find now is that I am not...depressed. I don't feel tragedy. I feel loss. I am greiving. I know that I'll pick up in a day or so and go about my life and find something to fill the empty place. They're still my friends. It's not the end of the story, just the end of a chapter.

Why in the name of Lucifer did I choose to come here?

Leave me to my mourning for now. It's my emotion; fuck anyone who tells me I can't cry if I want.

-P

Christ.

2006-06-04T07:14:54Z

Everyone shut up right now about me and Stupot, please. Christ. I took him home. The end.

I went out this afternoon (read: yesterday afternoon technically) to buy Murdoc some Geritol... No, seriously, the present I have for the old codger is very cool and if he doesn't appreciate it, I will promptly break it over his head. The expense will be worth it.

Actually, I've been thinking a lot about this...but it's not getting posted here as he will read it and I will probably never tell him.

As for other things, I've been feeling very conflicted. Something I thought was over and done with seems to have rekindled...in a very odd way. Not in the way things should be, and I'm actually strangely comfortable with it.

Yes, I know this post is cryptic. Had things to get out, weird things going on in my head (shut up, Murdoc), but you know, bottling it up never helps, and drowning it in a bottle...well, sort of helps.

Who was it that said we were family? Maybe you were right. No one else knows me better.

-P

Crete!

2006-05-21T09:14:48Z

We're back! So technically, it was Crete we went to, namely Agioi Apostoloi at the Ikaros Hotel. Pleasant weather in the mid-eighties...quite comfortable. It was me, Stuart, Jo, and her boyfriend Ivan. A beautiful week of the finest meals, warm beaches, and fabulous booze. Stuart only got mobbed once, and that stopped after I threatened to pluck out one journalist's liver and sacrifice it to Baal in front of his colleagues.

For the record, I do not believe in Baal, however he did not know this and it kept the rest of the week newshound-free.

So we returned Monday, and Stuart HAS NOT LEFT MY FUCKING FLAT. He's presently on my bed. Getting crumbs on it. CHRIST.

MURDOC, COME AND FETCH YOUR SINGER.

Sweet Jesus juggling jackhammers.

So I have hidden Murdoc's present because if I showed Stuart, he'd blab it to Muds and that would ruin the surprise. I mean, seriously, a lifetime supply of Geritol is not that easy to hide...haha. ;) Okay, it's not Geritol. But it could be!

...Why is he looking at me like that. Stuart is giving me a look.

Better investigate.

-P

Ultimate Boredom

2006-05-06T05:33:43Z

I'm bored.

Who wants to go to Greece on Monday?

Tequila hangover.

-P

Beltane, is it?

2006-05-01T05:39:27Z

Getting information from Murdoc is like pulling ticks from a rabid dog. Trying to do research while Stu's awake is almost as difficult. As it turns out, there's a sort of mundane celebration going on, so Stuart and I plan to go. Of course, there are other things going on not too far... It's not like I wouldn't mind a little tumble under the trees, but I'm feeling a bit more symbolic today. It's going to be educational to say the least.

Of course, I'm not at all opposed to a proper observance of tradition if you get me.

I've been at Kong since Friday while there's some re-wiring being done in my flat. I've also had to rescue an item from Noodle's room...only to find it had been smashed by a bit of the wall. Christ, that was expensive. And now I have to replace it as it was a rather pricey birthday present for someone. Though for fuck's sake why I'm even bothering...

Back to the story, I've been staying in Stu's room this time, more out of coincidence than anything else. He's been posting on his LJ a bit more coherently...if you missed it, it's 2d_stupot. Not much to do as Russel's been either eating, mumbling to himself, or working on stuffing another hog...sometimes all three at once. Murdoc is the usual bundle of sunshine we all know and fucking loathe him for, and Noodle. Well.

So Stuart and I have holed up watching his collection of zombie flicks and eating biscuits and drinking tequila. Fantastic. We did go to see Silent Hill yesterday, and it was brilliant, though the poor dear just did not get it. Well, at least he didn't fall asleep.

Right, so I'm off to shower and then we venture forth!

And for the record, perverts.~~Nothing happened.~~ Something happened.

-P

Home again!

2006-04-10T20:03:58Z

What an exhausting series of days it's been. Family issues had me coming home from New York a little bit early...apparently mum's got some sort of strange affliction and me, being the adoring and caring daughter I am, came and took care of her. The cobwebby old bat's doing fine now, so I'm back at my flat enjoying quality Paula-time.

Remember the old saying, 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas'? That's holding true here. There were memorable events, some involving the History Channel, Court TV, and spending copious amounts of money. And 'candy'.

I have to say that seeing the show in NYC was fabulous, but the Manchester shows were a bit better performed and had more energy. It was still fun to attend, despite the mic problems. Poor Damon... I think he needed a nap or some fine brandy.

-P

To quote DP: 'FUCKING PWNED'.

2006-04-02T04:04:52Z

As updated on this post from gorillaz_news, it was a big elaborate prank involving some brilliant writing and excellent Photoshop skills. The bit about a son...fucking fabulous, and I love the speculation. I am in no way ready to have a child and no offence intended to my former bandmates, but none of them are likely candidates.

This weekend has been so amusing as I have been running back up to the room to read that thread where the 'article' was posted. I have had to re-apply my eyeliner at least twice from laughing myself to tears over the rampant 'onoes where iz noodle' and 'onoes she broke 2ds heart the slut'. Idiots. I would like to take this moment to profusely thank disney_punk10 in her overwhelming show of support.

...as if I would ever work with anyone who did stuff for Aguilera.

And now I am heading down to hopefully buy myself a new skirt before Prada closes.

-P

Cat's out of the bag...

2006-04-01T01:49:53Z

I knew it wouldn't take long for the fine admin over at G-U to get a hold of that article from Musicmatch. What, do you think I'd put all of the details of my life in my LiveJournal? I do have a private blog and an internet scrapbook that I save for my son's baby photos.

He looks a lot like his daddy. That could be good or bad. And yes, that part's true, but I don't mention these things as I don't want to be harrassed about him. He's been at mum's for a bit while I was working on projects. I did bring him to Las Vegas...and no, I don't breastfeed.

Fairly nice that my interview was next to an article about Morrissey.

Seriously, why else would I be going on to New York afterwards? Show my support? Please. My place is on stage.

So back to Vegas, lots of devilment going on. Been a blast, more details to come.

Funny, my mobile's time is still set for London...

-P

The Day Before.

2006-03-23T03:43:57Z

It's just after three as I've started to write this, and I'm already sobering. Fantastic. This is the part about drinking I do not like. It's so anti-climactic and vague.

Today is a big day. It's the closing of a dark chapter of my life, and I think I can lock it shut and never open it again. The fact that I've been able to look back at the past and make peace with it means one does not always have to have closure; you just turn the page to a new chapter. Needless to day, I can finally get away from these required bullshit sessions. There are other sources of bullshit in my life without having me be forced into it.

...I did a stupid thing. I left Damon a drunken voice mail wishing him a happy birthday as this is his day, after all. I have had a bit of a thing for him. He probably knows and is not surprised, but what girl who was in school in the early ninties does not have a bit of lust for him? I've grown out of it. A bit.

To-morrow is when we all get together in First Class and fly to Las Vegas for a week and a half of revelry. Looking forward to that. I think. I'm really looking forward to free champagne on the way there as well.

Not a lot else really going on. Made arrangements for the few weeks I'll be gone. I'll miss my people here, but sometimes a girl has to get out and see the world and sample what life has to offer. Many times.

...ABBA? ...the fuck. I am not the Dancing Queen.

-P

An addition to this, before people start bitching at me for not telling Stuart happy birthday, I've told him so today. He is, in fact, standing not five feet away as I type at a portable internet station while we wait to board our flight...which is in thirty minutes. His present is waiting for when we get to the hotel in Las Vegas. So no fussing!

There's our call!

El Mañana...

2006-03-11T13:03:15Z

I've got a lunch date and a gallery showing to get to, so this one's quick.

I've finally got my internet back up and running after a small bit of downtime and went straight away to see the El Mañana video on Yahoo. Christ, Noodle. Now I see why you wouldn't tell me anything. My breath caught a few times. I may even be slightly traumatised.

So now, two shots of vodka and a cigarette later, I'm ready to go about my day. As I didn't pick up Noodle Wednesday (she came by my place), I've got Murdoc's CDs. I have a few options: 1. Keep them. I do like Motorhead a bit. 2. Bin 'em. 3. Throw them out of the window and hope I hit a pidgeon. 4. Trade them in for credit at one of the record shops. 5. Drive to Essex to return them in person. 6. Leave it to the posty. Been sort of a skiver in that respect, but I really don't care. I'm not in a hurry.

Managed to get through a fun bit of pub crawling last night, made it home around 3:30am, had a bit to eat, and still manage to be up at 8:00! Maybe I can put that on the CV: 'Ability to drink all night and wake up early and still not look like the walking undead'. Anyway I've had a lot to do this morning. Meetings and whatnot and now this lunch date with some person I am unfortunate enough to have to listen gab on about idiocies all because I wanted to get out of sleeping with him two days ago...or I could just stand him up. I'll probably go as I cannot resist not having to pay for lunch. He did not seem attractive while I was drunk; why should he be while I'm sober?

So many people have been doing nice things for me, like fantastic arts and icons and things. I think best of all is seeing how creative other people can be. I've been turned onto DeviantArt and have seen everything from very frightening art involving...stuff... to very flattering pieces. There's a universe of talent out there, people; don't let it go to waste!

-P

I'm asking for it...

2006-03-04T03:25:09Z

Came home from the pubs for a bit, waiting for some friends before we check out a couple of places an a different part...there's some party somewhere. I think. I can't be bothered to care right now as I'm sobering and cannot find my shot glass. That's okay, after all...why drink my own booze when I can get free booze somewhere else?

I love how Murdoc's manky slobbering fangirls think they can talk shite about me in his journal like he cares? I'm sure it might be mildly amusing if we make a row of it, but honestly they're too pitiful for me to dignify with an individual response. However, I will make a blanket comment: I DO NOT CARE. The fact that people that I will never see in my day-to-day dealings think it bothers me that they don't like me because of either Stuart or Murdoc is ridiculous. If I were to base my self-esteem on the thoughts of others, then that's not having self-esteem. That's being a fucking sheep. We all know what happens to sheep, don't we, my dears?

So here's where I'm asking for it. Some stupid little meme thing I picked up...

Ask me five questions. It can be personal, it can be informal. I do, however, retain the right not to answer really stupid questions.

There. It's done.

-P

Downtime

2006-02-25T21:30:43Z

I'm hiding in my room chatting with Noodle as she's hiding in a guest room. The modern age! Chatting with people in the same house in different rooms.

To give a highlight of events so far, at least what I can remember:

* A mini-set for Ferus, just a few of what we've been working on.

* Noodle is amazing for getting the others to do a set for me. Ghost Train, though...I still get a bit emotional since... Well, that's history.

* Random covers of whatever. I personally was happy to play Sober. Maybe Noodle will sing if we play Shonen Knife's Tower of the Sun tonight?

* Watching Murdoc get into a screaming match across the balcony with one of my neighbours. We were up there discussing things and he went off yelling at me and Ms. Robinson across the way told him to shut it and he yelled back and...I took that moment as the time to extract myself.

* I came up to read for a bit and Stuart started banging on my door for some reason. I forgot what else as I was really too drunk to read properly.

* Very amused that Murdoc managed to drink my bandmates AND me under the table.

* Belting out 'Don't Cry For Me, Argentina' across the walkway upstairs. I was quite intoxicated and want to thank whoever it was that prevented me from falling off.

* Champagne toast at 12:00am when my birthday rolled around.

A highlight was NOT waking to find Murdoc drew on my face with conte crayon. That shite stains! By the time I got it off, I found a friction burn across my cheekbone under my right eye. It's a nasty bit of a bruise, but I've got it covered well enough. I am going to destroy him with my platform boots. When I am being tried for murder, you all will know why.

Noodle and I have plotted to play on stage and show the boys how it's done! Both of us, being fans of Black Peace Now, are wearing a few things we've recently ordered from there. Here's my outfit: this top, straps tucked in, this skirt, and these boots.

Party's starting to pick up again. Time to get dressed and make my appearance! Hopefully, I will find a more comfortable place to make out than in my closet.

-P

Home.

2006-02-22T20:48:58Z

Flew in this morning from Milan Malpensa airport to Heathrow. Had a mishap with a taxi driver but ended up at my flat in record time. I haven't bothered unpacking, but went right away to the pub down the way for a few pints to relax and am now home. Quite a bit of wash to do, but it can wait.

I've got to call the decorator to help set up for the party. For anyone who's never been at my place, I've got this nice loft set up. A very open living area with couches, sort of lounge seating, and an upraised dining area that, suprise! is also large enough for a proper club stage. That's in front of a bay window, so it expands back a bit. Opposite side is the kitchen area, and alongside that is where the stairs leading to a lounging area and a walk to where my bedroom is. It's very open, metal railings, shouting over sort of thing. There's a small suite downstairs for guests, two decent sized rooms and a smaller private room. This building was actually some old office sort of place, but Mum renovated it for me and I pay the rent. Not a bad arrangement.

Nice to be home, but it's a little lonely after being around so many people. I think it's time to open up one of these nice bottles of wine and take a bit of a nap after.

-P

Paris!

2006-02-17T03:54:54Z

I'm in Paris right now. Just made it last night and am quite enjoying myself. Debating turning on the AIM but why? I'm floating on a pleasant buzz. Quite happy with life at present.

What I meant to say is there are parts that are bothering me, mostly having my thoughts drawn back in a direction I'd rather they not take. What I'm thinking about is not what I want to be considering. It's probably the edge of sobriety creeping up, so more champagne should fix that.

Might be on a bit later. Don't know. Despite the people around, there's a profound silence in my room. Dark with candles lit in my windows and along the shelves. A warm contrast to the cold blue glow of my laptop's monitor.

...how do I say thank you? How do I reconcile this feeling? My head's sort of fucked right now...a bit off my trolley if you get me. Thinking too much.

I'm feeling very nostalgic. Think I'll go walk for a bit.

-P

Rarely have I been so excited for someone else...

2006-02-09T05:30:26Z

I've texted everyone at least twice to say congrats! But Stuart, Noodle, Russ, even the old man...I have never been more proud of you lot than I am tonight...today. Currently. Even if it wasn't the clean sweep, even winning one...being nominated! I'm so intensely excited for you!

My texts were rather brief:

To Stu: 'Very happy for you. I really hope you're not checking this message during the performance, luv. <3 XOXO'

To Noodle: 'Major congrats! I think I scared Noir cheering for you. <3'

To Russ: 'All right! So exciting! Congrats! <3'

To Muds: 'Congrats, you old fart. <3'

Yes, I text emoticons. Fucking deal! My mobile, my texting.

Having a big party over here, just starting to die down. I hope so soon cos I'm winding down from my champagne buzz.

HUZZAH!

I will use my new icon out of pure bliss.

-P

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

2006-02-06T04:46:16Z

Why is it that men think if I have sex with them, that instantly means I am going to be calling them the next day? Are most women like that to them? I don't understand this. With one exception, I just want to have a night of amazing sex with someone I'm relatively comfortable with WITH NO FUCKING EXPECTATIONS. Can we tell Paula's feeling a little bitter? I swear men annoy me. Most of them, any way.

It's official. I am lead guitar for Ferus. So I have been given a trial. Apparently everyone had to do the same thing as a 'creative visualisation', so I am arranging a song myself. By myself. IT IS GIVING ME A FUCKING HEADACHE. First off, I have this little crap drum machine and a midi synth hooked up. Guitar bits are easy (well DUH) and bass is coming along well though I don't have the right feel for it. So to distract myself while the midi synth is compiling, I am going to do this little quiz Noodle put up.

Time started: 03:24 AM

First Name: Paula

Single or Taken: Single

Sex: Female

Birthday: 25th February

Siblings: Two by blood.

Hair color: Black

Shoe size: UK Seven

height: 5'5"

Innie or Outie: Innie

What are you wearing right now: A black silk robe.

Righty or lefty: Ambidexterous.

Can you make a dollar in change right now: No, but I can give pence for sterling.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Relationships
------------------------------------------------------------

Who are your closest friends: Noodle and I've become very close. Russel definitely. Stu's distant and Murdoc has the manners of a troll. I get on really well with my band!

Do you have a BF or GF? Sweet Jesus, no.

Best place to go for a date: Moonlight drive out to the isolated countryside with copious amounts of liquor, staying up talking or being close or making out...just enjoying the presence of the one you're with.

---------------------------------------------------------------
Favorites...
----------------------------------------------------------------

Favorite place to shop: This little beverage shop down the block from my flat. I'm also pleased with this one Japanese shop I like, Black Peace Now.

Favorite kind of pants: Black leather.

Favorite color: Black

Number(s): 23

Animal: Cat, namely my baby, Noir

Drink: Chimay

Sport(s): I like to watch men with sexy legs bloody each other playing Rugby.

Fast-Food Place(s): I don't eat Fast Food.

Month: February. It's all about me this month.

Current Movie: The Phantom of the Opera. Dear sweet god I love this movie.

Juice: Coconut

Finger: The two I'm saluting this quiz with.

Breakfast: Chili and eggs and a tomato slice with toast.

Favorite cartoon character(s): I was always partial to Simon in the Land of Chalk Drawings. And Count Duckula and Dangermouse. The 'toon, not the man, though I do think Dangermouse (the man) is a talented individual.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Have you ever
----------------------------------------------------------

Given anyone a bath: Yes.

Smoked: ...yes.

Bungee jumped: No, I prefer not falling from high places.

Made yourself throw-up: Once, but I took some bad pills and it was necessary. There's also drinking.

Gone skinny dipping: Yes.

Eaten a hot dog: Unfortunately yes.

Put your tongue on a frozen pole: No, but I've seen Stu do it.

Loved someone so much it made you cry? Yes...still do.

Broken a bone: No.

Played truth or dare: Oh yes. There will be truth or dare at my party, too.

Been in a police car: Yes.

Been on a plane: Yes.

Been in a sauna: Yes.

Been in a hot tub: Own one.

gone swimming in the ocean: Yes.

Fallen asleep in school: All the time.

Ran away?: Not really. Living on your own as a teenager is stupid when your home life is tolerable.

Broken someone's heart: I'm sure I did, but there was only one I ever regret.

Cried when someone died: Yes.

Cried in school: Yes. Those horrid old bitches and those rulers...

Fallen off your chair: When I was drunk.

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call?: No.

Saved e-mails: Yes.

Fallen for one of your best friends?: ...Yes.

Made out with JUST a friend?: ...Yes. I suppose that would apply.

Used someone: No comment.

Been cheated on?: Yes.

----------------------------------------------------------------
What is...
----------------------------------------------------------------

Your good luck charm: Myself.

Best song you ever heard: Dead Can Dance - The Ubiquitous Mr Lovegrove

Stupidest thing you have ever done: I go back and forth on that one. Probably the 'incident'.

What's your room like?: Red brick and black curtains with various posters.

...

Last thing you said: 'Piss off, bastard!'

What is beside you: Noir, the little attention whore. Love my kitten.

Last thing you ate: Bag of crisps.

what kind of shampoo do you use: I'm fond of some of the Matrix shampoos.

Best thing that has happened to you this year: Being able to be a part of my former bandmates' lives, meeting Noodle, hooking up with Ferus.

Worst thing that has happened to you this year: Whatever it was had to do with Murdoc.

----------------------------------------
Have you had..
----------------------------------------

Chicken pox: Horrid little illness, yes.

Sore Throat: Yes.

Stitches: Yes.

Broken nose: No.

-------------------------------------
Do You
-------------------------------------

Believe in love at first sight: Yes.

Like picnics: Very much so!

Like school: NO. Well, art school was great.

---------------------------------------
Would you/what is
---------------------------------------

Eat a live hamster for $1,000,000 dollars: Who wrote this??

If you were stuck on an island, what people would you want with you? A resort spa with regularly arriving transport coming and going.

Who was the last person that called you: Noodle.

Who was the last person you slow danced with: This rather attractive man at the club earlier.

What makes you laugh the most?: Murdoc, actually.

What makes you smile? Stuart's cute grin.

--------------------------------------
Who is the last person
--------------------------------------

You yelled at: Murdoc.

Who broke your heart: Stuart.

Who told you they loved you: ...it's been too long.

Who is your loudest friend? Jo. She can belt them out.

------------------------------------------------------------
Do you/Are You:
------------------------------------------------------------

Do you like filling these out?: Sometimes when I have need of distraction.

Do you wear glasses or contacts: No.

Do you like yourself: I like myself more lately.

Do you get along with your family: On occasion.

Stolen anything over $50: Yes.

Obsessive?: On some things.

Compulsive?: On some things.

Anorexic?: Recovering.

Suicidal?: Not anymore.

--------------------------------
Love Life
-------------------------------

Do you have a crush? Off and on, yes. I more have sexual fantasies.

If so, does he or she know? Dear god I hope not.

Have you truly told him or her how you feel, face to face?: No.

How did he or she respond?: Go eat a bowl of...you know.

What is so great about him or her?: Pretty good with his meat.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
This or That
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Coffee, tea: Coffee. Addicted to good lattes.

Phone or in person: In person.

Are you oldest, middle, youngest or only child: Youngest. ><

Indoor or outdoor: Depends on mood. I love walking around town.

--------------------------------------------------
Final questions
-----------------------------------------------------------

How many people are you sending this to: None.

What are you listening to right now?: My midi compilation.

What did you do yesterday: Band rehearsal, a party, some shopping.

Where do you want to get married? Maybe one day. I was almost married once.

If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be? Not a damned thing. I am my own goddess, after all.

Are you a good driver?: Fairly well.

Are you a good Singer: Actually, yes.

What do you dream about: Things I'd rather not mention.

Time ended: 04:40 A.M.

This thing took too long as I was working on compiling this midi. I can't ask for help since my creative versatility is being tested. I'm going in to use our keyboardist's set up to lay the final compilation as my computer isn't powerful enough. He's such a geek, always into his computers when he's not into music.

I did have my Sky-1 record the halftime for the American Super Bowl so I could lust after Keith Richards a little more.

Right, going to finish this up and go drink some of this leftover vodka.

-P

paula__c @ 2006-02-01T19:45:00

2006-02-01T20:25:40Z

We're having some horrendous weather. Only up to 3°C today and cloudy but tomorrow promises to be colder. Noodle tells me they're snowed in at Kong, so it's fortunate I left when I did or I'd be stuck another day. Sort of glad for that, though I tend to enjoy myself when I'm there.

So I rehearsed again with Ferus this afternoon, mostly just arsed about, and we got to talking about making a permanent place for me. A second guitarist never hurts, so I was told. I'm thinking about it. There's no intention of making it big, just staying a bit underground and doing it for the fun without the grief of the whole industry on top of it. That's really all I ever wanted out of playing, so I'm very much considering saying yes. And I will not sleep with any of my bandmates this time.

The outfit I ordered for my party arrived soon after I did yesterday and it's well near the hottest thing I think I've ever had the pleasure of wearing. Tight in the right places, just perfect. And leather. All I'll hint on it. Those coming, 24.2.06, ending sometime around Sunday. For a few closer friends, doing some sort of informal dinner bit on my actual birthday, invites pending.

Sometime at the end of March, I'm planning on doing my good deed for the year. Thinking of a Vegas trip, as it's been a year since last I was there. I actually spent my last birthday in Las Vegas living it up at the Bellagio. Seemed a rather posh place considering there was a Versace, Prada, Chanel, Dior...did a bit of shopping last time and could use a few new outfits.

How am I funding all this? Wouldn't you lot like to know? In all honesty, I make a very nice living buying and selling collectibles though mum's antique business as well as my own painting and random gigs. No dull office job for me. This way I can afford my rock 'n roll lifestyle, though for a while I tried to just do it painting and gigging. I'm a bit too high maintenance to live without the extra funding.

Heading to France in a couple weeks as well. Need to practice my French between then and now. Might call up a few old dates and rehash those old skills.

...and now someone's calling me. Ciao!

-P

A strange journey...

2006-01-30T07:53:08Z

I feel so emotionally drained right now. I've recently aquired a tarot deck of my own and have done my first two readings yesterday night and today. My first was for someone else to be sure I did it right, and well... it bothers me and it probably shouldn't. I suppose the words 'sympathy for the devil' are the first to pop into my brain. I never thought... I reckon I never bothered to care.

So anyway, I did another for myself today and am posting the results:

The card not shown but at the center of the cross, represents the atmosphere surrounding the central issue. The High Priestess: Wisdom. Sound judgment. Knowledge. Learning. Serenity. Objectivity. Penetration. Education. Foresight. Intuition. Perception. Hidden emotion. Purity. Virtue. Apparent emotionlessness. Lack of patience. Platonic relationships. Teacher.

The card visible at the center of the cross represents the obstacle that stands in your way - it may even be something that sounds good but is not actually to your benefit. Page of Swords: A person adept at perceiving and uncovering the unknown or that which is less than obvious. Insight. Vigilance. Agility. Spying. A discreet person. An active youth. A lithe figure alert to unknown dangers. - (This one I am unsure about.)

The card at the top of the cross represents your goal, or the best you can achieve without a dramatic change of priorities. Five of Cups (Disappointment), when reversed: Hopeful outlook. Favorable expectations. New alliances. Affinity. Return of an old friend. Reunion.

The card at the bottom of the cross represents the foundation on which the situation is based. Rejuvenation, when reversed: Delay. Disappointment. Failure to face the facts. Indecision. Divorce. Procrastination. Theft. Alienation of affection. Deep worry.

The card at the left of the cross represents a passing influence or something to be released. Six of Wands (Victory), when reversed: Indefinite delay. Fear. Apprehension. Disloyalty. Superficial benefit. Inconclusive gain. - (Again, I do not understand this one.)

The card at the right of the cross represents an approaching influence or something to be embraced. Queen of Swords: Sharp, quick-witted, keen person. Intense perceptions. A subtle person. May signify a widow or woman of sadness. Mourning. Privation. Absence. Loneliness. Separation. One who has savored great happiness but who presently knows the anxiety of misfortune and reversal. - (Who do I know that understands a profound loss?)

The card at the base of the staff represents your role or attitude. Four of Pentacles (Power), when reversed: Setbacks in material holdings. Obstacles. Opposition to further gain. Suspense and delay. Spendthrift.

The card second from the bottom of the staff represents your environment and the people you are interacting with. Six of Swords (Science): A trip or journey. Travel. Headstrong attempt to overcome difficulties. Expedient manner. Success after anxiety.

The card second from the top of the staff represents your hopes, fears, or an unexpected element that will come into play. Strength: Strength. Courage. Fortitude. Conviction. Energy. Determination. Defiance. Action. Awareness of temptations and the mental and physical abilities to overcome them. Confidence. Innate ability. Zeal. Physical strength. Attainment at considerable peril. Hidden forces at work are challenged. Heroism. Virility. Strength to endure in spite of obstacles. - (Oh, I hope...)

The card at the top of the staff represents the ultimate outcome should you continue on this course. Eight of Pentacles (Prudence): Apprenticeship. Craftsmanship. A person who learns quickly. Candor. Frankness. Modesty. Handiwork. Personal effort. - (????)

I've boldfaced the ones I felt were most applicable, and no I will not state what the question was. It's something I've been dealing with ever since I broke up with Stuart. I am still a novice at this and will likely need some help translating this, but how else will I learn if I do not try?

I am very likely gonig home at some point after I wake up. There are things I need to do and a few rehearsals I am needed at. I also need to think on my own for a little. Two certain individuals here make it very difficult for me to keep a clear mind.

-P

The fun stuff in life...

2006-01-27T06:02:01Z

Tonight has been...wait it started yesterday but this morning was interseting. but I wills targt from the beginning.

So. We got Russ out into whatever thej fuck room we started in and I brought out the cake. We managed to get the first few slices in a reasonable fashion but then some managed to fly from my fork to Murdoc's eye and oops! Mayhem. I am still findnig cake all over the place. Of course, I am thoroughyl cake-feree hehehe. I had heeeeelp.

Noodle and I snuck off to the roof for a massively loud jam session with some guitar ony,l covers of Boston, Ozzy, Van Halen, and Bon jovi. We rocked out pretty hardcore to 'Wanted Dead or Alive'. People down the way sent the police after us so we had to stop, btut it was fun.

...Stu is more flexible than I remember.

SO after things tstarted to wind down, somehow Murdoc and i ended up in the kitchen doing shots of vodka. I think Noodle went on to bed at that point and Russel was somewhere and stuart was passed out with his face in tehcake. So we relocated.

Ant then. Sweet Jesus. Fucking amazing. That's all I can say. That is until DOG LASERS. Fuck, that was....weird. I hit the laptop and this played. Dear god how can I code html as fdrunk as I am now?

So we watched it five more times. And then eBaby.

So I've just left the 'bago and am in my little guest room place. Finshing my update but sort of lonely. I think I will vfinish my chimay and try to sleep now that the sun has rsisen.

There's always tomorrow.

=P

Fitting?

2006-01-24T07:24:22Z

Ever find a song sometimes that just sort of fits?

I can feel it in my bones.
I'm going to spend my whole life alone...

Something I've realised that I can't admit to myself quite yet. Time to listen to something else.

Time to move away from the cryptic angst for now, because I know how a certain sector of rabid fangirls just loooove to catch me when I'm down, so I will continue this update in a more positive manner.

I'm heading to Kong tomorrow afternoon (read: Later Today) for Russel's party preparations. I've got this rather ridiculous karaoke set up Mum disposed of in my foyer, a chest full of various types of booze, a bird rifle for Cortez, this massive chocolate cake monstrosity for the Birthday Boy himself, and little things for the others. I shall be on my best behaviour, of course, unless given proper cause to be naughty.

Lately I've noticed a bit of a clammy feeling and running out of energy. It could be my more active nights now that I'm filling in for my friend, or maybe I've got a mild case of hypoglycaemia. It's not the healthiest thing to snack on crisps and fizzy drinks, so I've taken to keeping carrots and other vegetables around and a selection of fruit teas when I'm working at home.

Now that the sun's up, I think I shall try to nap a bit. I'm turning nocturnal again.

-P