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Monday, February 18th, 2008
2:48 am - Still alive.



Shite shite shite and shite.

I'm still here. Gah.

-P

current mood: cranky
current music: Anthrax and Public Enemy - Bring the Noise

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Thursday, June 7th, 2007
2:43 am - Murdoc.
Fuck you.

Happy Birthday, old man, even though it was yesterday.

-P

current mood: bored

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Friday, January 12th, 2007
7:27 am - What day is it?
Sweet fucking christ on a unicycle. Been nursing the great grandmum of all hangover headaches. I love vicodin with vodka. Takes care of all that ails ya.

First off, I wish a belated yet heartfelt HAPPY NEW YEAR to the lot of my loyal f-list. Even the old fridge himself, my mate Russ, Noodle-chan, and my dearest Stuart. And of course everyone else. I hope your collective New Year is full of greatness. As in the kind you reach out, grab tight, and make yours every day.


Off to a fantastic start, I am. Lots of drinking, lots of sex, and THE RUNAWAY BRIDE. (And yes, I watched the finale of Torchwood and Jack-snogging-Jack is very sexy. And I watched the Sarah Jane Adventures with Mum.) Sometime after that, I went on a pub crawl with my mates and nearly got into a fight with some dumbshit in his chavrolet... Let's not go too much into details on this, shall we?

So really been spending the last pair of weeks in a perpetual party that somehow ended up in France before we realised that it was already the week after the new year. Been sleeping most of yesterday, and am recovered enough to record what I remember. Which is very little, sadly.

I reckon got stuff to do, so...whatever for now.

-P

current mood: groggy
current music: Dead Can Dance - The Lotus Eaters

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Friday, October 20th, 2006
2:10 am - Ahem.
Fuck you, Murdoc.



-P

current mood: irritated
current music: Muzak. Horrid noise.

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Sunday, September 24th, 2006
12:17 pm - Home Again
Kong is officially a waste. Clearly the place will be rubble within the month, and I for one do not need to step around more debris and the remnants of Murdoc's drinking binges. Then there's the bit about Stuart's tendency to leave crumbs in the bed (they usually wind up in uncomfortable places). Oh, and let us not forget the lobby.

I had to get out of there.

So here I am, back at my West End flat, just returned from having a few pints and watching the tourists 'round Leicester Square. I must point out that not everyone who stands around staring is a tourist. They may also be on drugs, drunk, or just really stupid.

I missed this place, must say. I'll have to call a cleaning staff to tidy the place...dust breeds while one is away. I've cleaned off a few things myself and have an oil diffuser with amber and bergamot oils going.

Fantastic, staying somewhere that does not have the mysterious stench of decay, urine, and chocolate biscuits wafting about.

I'm curled up in front of the telly, watching my 4th Doctor-era Doctor Who DVDs and feeling quite satisfied. Or I could watch the current season and drool like a silly fangirl over David Tennant. OR. I do have that French and Saunders set. No, just me and the Doctor.

-P

current mood: awake
current music: Doctor Who theme

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Monday, July 17th, 2006
6:42 am - C'est finis.
I don't want shit from anybody because I am very upset at this instance. Before rumours fly, I will say that my band has disbanded...not because I slept with anyone this time, but because our bassist has gone back to America and our other guitarist/sitarist has decided to move to India to care for her invalid grandmother.

And where does this leave me, one might ask? Drunk on the roof at Kong with several damp handkercheifs. I've spent most of my afternoon in Stuart's room, but he talks in his sleep, which is very disturbing if one pays attention. So I've retreated up here, and while it's still dusk and the sun is rising, I'm sober enough to type this coherently.

What I find now is that I am not...depressed. I don't feel tragedy. I feel loss. I am greiving. I know that I'll pick up in a day or so and go about my life and find something to fill the empty place. They're still my friends. It's not the end of the story, just the end of a chapter.

Why in the name of Lucifer did I choose to come here?

Leave me to my mourning for now. It's my emotion; fuck anyone who tells me I can't cry if I want.

-P

current mood: morose
current music: The moaning of the undead.

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Sunday, June 4th, 2006
8:49 am - Christ.
Everyone shut up right now about me and Stupot, please. Christ. I took him home. The end.

I went out this afternoon (read: yesterday afternoon technically) to buy Murdoc some Geritol... No, seriously, the present I have for the old codger is very cool and if he doesn't appreciate it, I will promptly break it over his head. The expense will be worth it.

Actually, I've been thinking a lot about this...but it's not getting posted here as he will read it and I will probably never tell him.

As for other things, I've been feeling very conflicted. Something I thought was over and done with seems to have rekindled...in a very odd way. Not in the way things should be, and I'm actually strangely comfortable with it.

Yes, I know this post is cryptic. Had things to get out, weird things going on in my head (shut up, Murdoc), but you know, bottling it up never helps, and drowning it in a bottle...well, sort of helps.

Who was it that said we were family? Maybe you were right. No one else knows me better.

-P

current mood: pensive
current music: Nine Inch Nails - Only

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Sunday, May 21st, 2006
10:01 am - Crete!
We're back! So technically, it was Crete we went to, namely Agioi Apostoloi at the Ikaros Hotel. Pleasant weather in the mid-eighties...quite comfortable. It was me, Stuart, Jo, and her boyfriend Ivan. A beautiful week of the finest meals, warm beaches, and fabulous booze. Stuart only got mobbed once, and that stopped after I threatened to pluck out one journalist's liver and sacrifice it to Baal in front of his colleagues.

For the record, I do not believe in Baal, however he did not know this and it kept the rest of the week newshound-free.

So we returned Monday, and Stuart HAS NOT LEFT MY FUCKING FLAT. He's presently on my bed. Getting crumbs on it. CHRIST.

MURDOC, COME AND FETCH YOUR SINGER.

Sweet Jesus juggling jackhammers.

So I have hidden Murdoc's present because if I showed Stuart, he'd blab it to Muds and that would ruin the surprise. I mean, seriously, a lifetime supply of Geritol is not that easy to hide...haha. ;) Okay, it's not Geritol. But it could be!

...Why is he looking at me like that. Stuart is giving me a look.

Better investigate.

-P

current mood: confused
current music: Depeche Mode - People are People

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Saturday, May 6th, 2006
6:34 am - Ultimate Boredom
I'm bored.

Who wants to go to Greece on Monday?

Tequila hangover.

-P

current mood: drunk
current music: The pounding in my brain...

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Monday, May 1st, 2006
6:20 am - Beltane, is it?
Getting information from Murdoc is like pulling ticks from a rabid dog. Trying to do research while Stu's awake is almost as difficult. As it turns out, there's a sort of mundane celebration going on, so Stuart and I plan to go. Of course, there are other things going on not too far... It's not like I wouldn't mind a little tumble under the trees, but I'm feeling a bit more symbolic today. It's going to be educational to say the least.

Of course, I'm not at all opposed to a proper observance of tradition if you get me.

I've been at Kong since Friday while there's some re-wiring being done in my flat. I've also had to rescue an item from Noodle's room...only to find it had been smashed by a bit of the wall. Christ, that was expensive. And now I have to replace it as it was a rather pricey birthday present for someone. Though for fuck's sake why I'm even bothering...

Back to the story, I've been staying in Stu's room this time, more out of coincidence than anything else. He's been posting on his LJ a bit more coherently...if you missed it, it's [info]2d_stupot. Not much to do as Russel's been either eating, mumbling to himself, or working on stuffing another hog...sometimes all three at once. Murdoc is the usual bundle of sunshine we all know and fucking loathe him for, and Noodle. Well.

So Stuart and I have holed up watching his collection of zombie flicks and eating biscuits and drinking tequila. Fantastic. We did go to see Silent Hill yesterday, and it was brilliant, though the poor dear just did not get it. Well, at least he didn't fall asleep.

Right, so I'm off to shower and then we venture forth!

And for the record, perverts.Nothing happened. Something happened.

-P

current mood: awake
current music: Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees

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Monday, April 10th, 2006
8:37 am - Home again!
What an exhausting series of days it's been. Family issues had me coming home from New York a little bit early...apparently mum's got some sort of strange affliction and me, being the adoring and caring daughter I am, came and took care of her. The cobwebby old bat's doing fine now, so I'm back at my flat enjoying quality Paula-time.

Remember the old saying, 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas'? That's holding true here. There were memorable events, some involving the History Channel, Court TV, and spending copious amounts of money. And 'candy'.

I have to say that seeing the show in NYC was fabulous, but the Manchester shows were a bit better performed and had more energy. It was still fun to attend, despite the mic problems. Poor Damon... I think he needed a nap or some fine brandy.

-P

current mood: okay
current music: Rosetta Stone - Leave Me for Dead

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Saturday, April 1st, 2006
7:55 pm - To quote DP: 'FUCKING PWNED'.
As updated on this post from [info]gorillaz_news, it was a big elaborate prank involving some brilliant writing and excellent Photoshop skills. The bit about a son...fucking fabulous, and I love the speculation. I am in no way ready to have a child and no offence intended to my former bandmates, but none of them are likely candidates.

This weekend has been so amusing as I have been running back up to the room to read that thread where the 'article' was posted. I have had to re-apply my eyeliner at least twice from laughing myself to tears over the rampant 'onoes where iz noodle' and 'onoes she broke 2ds heart the slut'. Idiots. I would like to take this moment to profusely thank [info]disney_punk10 in her overwhelming show of support.

...as if I would ever work with anyone who did stuff for Aguilera.

And now I am heading down to hopefully buy myself a new skirt before Prada closes.

-P

current mood: amused
current music: Prince - Kiss

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Friday, March 31st, 2006
5:41 pm - Cat's out of the bag...
I knew it wouldn't take long for the fine admin over at G-U to get a hold of that article from Musicmatch. What, do you think I'd put all of the details of my life in my LiveJournal? I do have a private blog and an internet scrapbook that I save for my son's baby photos.

He looks a lot like his daddy. That could be good or bad. And yes, that part's true, but I don't mention these things as I don't want to be harrassed about him. He's been at mum's for a bit while I was working on projects. I did bring him to Las Vegas...and no, I don't breastfeed.

Fairly nice that my interview was next to an article about Morrissey.

Seriously, why else would I be going on to New York afterwards? Show my support? Please. My place is on stage.

So back to Vegas, lots of devilment going on. Been a blast, more details to come.

Funny, my mobile's time is still set for London...

-P

current mood: chipper
current music: Morrissey - You Have Killed Me

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Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
2:58 am - The Day Before.
It's just after three as I've started to write this, and I'm already sobering. Fantastic. This is the part about drinking I do not like. It's so anti-climactic and vague.

Today is a big day. It's the closing of a dark chapter of my life, and I think I can lock it shut and never open it again. The fact that I've been able to look back at the past and make peace with it means one does not always have to have closure; you just turn the page to a new chapter. Needless to day, I can finally get away from these required bullshit sessions. There are other sources of bullshit in my life without having me be forced into it.

...I did a stupid thing. I left Damon a drunken voice mail wishing him a happy birthday as this is his day, after all. I have had a bit of a thing for him. He probably knows and is not surprised, but what girl who was in school in the early ninties does not have a bit of lust for him? I've grown out of it. A bit.

To-morrow is when we all get together in First Class and fly to Las Vegas for a week and a half of revelry. Looking forward to that. I think. I'm really looking forward to free champagne on the way there as well.

Not a lot else really going on. Made arrangements for the few weeks I'll be gone. I'll miss my people here, but sometimes a girl has to get out and see the world and sample what life has to offer. Many times.

...ABBA? ...the fuck. I am not the Dancing Queen.

-P

An addition to this, before people start bitching at me for not telling Stuart happy birthday, I've told him so today. He is, in fact, standing not five feet away as I type at a portable internet station while we wait to board our flight...which is in thirty minutes. His present is waiting for when we get to the hotel in Las Vegas. So no fussing!

There's our call!

current mood: okay
current music: ABBA - Dancing Queen

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Saturday, March 11th, 2006
12:31 pm - El Mañana...
I've got a lunch date and a gallery showing to get to, so this one's quick.

I've finally got my internet back up and running after a small bit of downtime and went straight away to see the El Mañana video on Yahoo. Christ, Noodle. Now I see why you wouldn't tell me anything. My breath caught a few times. I may even be slightly traumatised.

So now, two shots of vodka and a cigarette later, I'm ready to go about my day. As I didn't pick up Noodle Wednesday (she came by my place), I've got Murdoc's CDs. I have a few options: 1. Keep them. I do like Motorhead a bit. 2. Bin 'em. 3. Throw them out of the window and hope I hit a pidgeon. 4. Trade them in for credit at one of the record shops. 5. Drive to Essex to return them in person. 6. Leave it to the posty. Been sort of a skiver in that respect, but I really don't care. I'm not in a hurry.

Managed to get through a fun bit of pub crawling last night, made it home around 3:30am, had a bit to eat, and still manage to be up at 8:00! Maybe I can put that on the CV: 'Ability to drink all night and wake up early and still not look like the walking undead'. Anyway I've had a lot to do this morning. Meetings and whatnot and now this lunch date with some person I am unfortunate enough to have to listen gab on about idiocies all because I wanted to get out of sleeping with him two days ago...or I could just stand him up. I'll probably go as I cannot resist not having to pay for lunch. He did not seem attractive while I was drunk; why should he be while I'm sober?

So many people have been doing nice things for me, like fantastic arts and icons and things. I think best of all is seeing how creative other people can be. I've been turned onto DeviantArt and have seen everything from very frightening art involving...stuff... to very flattering pieces. There's a universe of talent out there, people; don't let it go to waste!

-P

current mood: hungry

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Saturday, March 4th, 2006
2:48 am - I'm asking for it...
Came home from the pubs for a bit, waiting for some friends before we check out a couple of places an a different part...there's some party somewhere. I think. I can't be bothered to care right now as I'm sobering and cannot find my shot glass. That's okay, after all...why drink my own booze when I can get free booze somewhere else?

I love how Murdoc's manky slobbering fangirls think they can talk shite about me in his journal like he cares? I'm sure it might be mildly amusing if we make a row of it, but honestly they're too pitiful for me to dignify with an individual response. However, I will make a blanket comment: I DO NOT CARE. The fact that people that I will never see in my day-to-day dealings think it bothers me that they don't like me because of either Stuart or Murdoc is ridiculous. If I were to base my self-esteem on the thoughts of others, then that's not having self-esteem. That's being a fucking sheep. We all know what happens to sheep, don't we, my dears?

So here's where I'm asking for it. Some stupid little meme thing I picked up...

Ask me five questions. It can be personal, it can be informal. I do, however, retain the right not to answer really stupid questions.

There. It's done.

-P

current mood: bored
current music: Dead Can Dance - The Host of Seraphim

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Saturday, February 25th, 2006
9:15 am - Downtime
I'm hiding in my room chatting with Noodle as she's hiding in a guest room. The modern age! Chatting with people in the same house in different rooms.

To give a highlight of events so far, at least what I can remember:

* A mini-set for Ferus, just a few of what we've been working on.

* Noodle is amazing for getting the others to do a set for me. Ghost Train, though...I still get a bit emotional since... Well, that's history.

* Random covers of whatever. I personally was happy to play Sober. Maybe Noodle will sing if we play Shonen Knife's Tower of the Sun tonight?

* Watching Murdoc get into a screaming match across the balcony with one of my neighbours. We were up there discussing things and he went off yelling at me and Ms. Robinson across the way told him to shut it and he yelled back and...I took that moment as the time to extract myself.

* I came up to read for a bit and Stuart started banging on my door for some reason. I forgot what else as I was really too drunk to read properly.

* Very amused that Murdoc managed to drink my bandmates AND me under the table.

* Belting out 'Don't Cry For Me, Argentina' across the walkway upstairs. I was quite intoxicated and want to thank whoever it was that prevented me from falling off.

* Champagne toast at 12:00am when my birthday rolled around.

A highlight was NOT waking to find Murdoc drew on my face with conte crayon. That shite stains! By the time I got it off, I found a friction burn across my cheekbone under my right eye. It's a nasty bit of a bruise, but I've got it covered well enough. I am going to destroy him with my platform boots. When I am being tried for murder, you all will know why.

Noodle and I have plotted to play on stage and show the boys how it's done! Both of us, being fans of Black Peace Now, are wearing a few things we've recently ordered from there. Here's my outfit: this top, straps tucked in, this skirt, and these boots.

Party's starting to pick up again. Time to get dressed and make my appearance! Hopefully, I will find a more comfortable place to make out than in my closet.

-P

current mood: jubilant
current music: Someone's playing Breaking the Girl downstairs.

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Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
8:34 pm - Home.
Flew in this morning from Milan Malpensa airport to Heathrow. Had a mishap with a taxi driver but ended up at my flat in record time. I haven't bothered unpacking, but went right away to the pub down the way for a few pints to relax and am now home. Quite a bit of wash to do, but it can wait.

I've got to call the decorator to help set up for the party. For anyone who's never been at my place, I've got this nice loft set up. A very open living area with couches, sort of lounge seating, and an upraised dining area that, suprise! is also large enough for a proper club stage. That's in front of a bay window, so it expands back a bit. Opposite side is the kitchen area, and alongside that is where the stairs leading to a lounging area and a walk to where my bedroom is. It's very open, metal railings, shouting over sort of thing. There's a small suite downstairs for guests, two decent sized rooms and a smaller private room. This building was actually some old office sort of place, but Mum renovated it for me and I pay the rent. Not a bad arrangement.

Nice to be home, but it's a little lonely after being around so many people. I think it's time to open up one of these nice bottles of wine and take a bit of a nap after.

-P

current mood: listless
current music: Depeche Mode - The Sinner In Me

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Friday, February 17th, 2006
4:45 am - Paris!
I'm in Paris right now. Just made it last night and am quite enjoying myself. Debating turning on the AIM but why? I'm floating on a pleasant buzz. Quite happy with life at present.

What I meant to say is there are parts that are bothering me, mostly having my thoughts drawn back in a direction I'd rather they not take. What I'm thinking about is not what I want to be considering. It's probably the edge of sobriety creeping up, so more champagne should fix that.

Might be on a bit later. Don't know. Despite the people around, there's a profound silence in my room. Dark with candles lit in my windows and along the shelves. A warm contrast to the cold blue glow of my laptop's monitor.

...how do I say thank you? How do I reconcile this feeling? My head's sort of fucked right now...a bit off my trolley if you get me. Thinking too much.

I'm feeling very nostalgic. Think I'll go walk for a bit.

-P

current mood: nostalgic
current music: Francoise Hard - Comment te Dire Adieu

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Thursday, February 9th, 2006
5:22 am - Rarely have I been so excited for someone else...
I've texted everyone at least twice to say congrats! But Stuart, Noodle, Russ, even the old man...I have never been more proud of you lot than I am tonight...today. Currently. Even if it wasn't the clean sweep, even winning one...being nominated! I'm so intensely excited for you!

My texts were rather brief:

To Stu: 'Very happy for you. I really hope you're not checking this message during the performance, luv. <3 XOXO'

To Noodle: 'Major congrats! I think I scared Noir cheering for you. <3'

To Russ: 'All right! So exciting! Congrats! <3'

To Muds: 'Congrats, you old fart. <3'

Yes, I text emoticons. Fucking deal! My mobile, my texting.

Having a big party over here, just starting to die down. I hope so soon cos I'm winding down from my champagne buzz.

HUZZAH!

I will use my new icon out of pure bliss.

-P

current mood: ecstatic
current music: Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc

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